Hobbit, A guy’s Best Friend.

Okay, so you are at the club. You have your sexy girl disguise on ( Thanks Jenna Marables) & all of a sudden you look at the selection. Hot, hot, hot, gorgeous, wow, troll. I kid you fucking not, there’s always 1 maybe 2 per pack. Like you will have your pack of gorgeous men (This time they were in uniform), and then the troll. However, the point of this is you’re consulting with your girls and of course, he has to approach you. Not the other six which are good looking, but the hobbit. That’s fine bro. I am a nice person, but like when you are suppose to be taking the hint, please leave?

Story Time

My friend and I were in the bar. Detroit, Saturday night. It was military night I guess, so many men in uniform… Lord. God bless me. We were just casually grabbing some cocktails at the bar rail and this guy like literally appeared out of no where. We are not even sure where he came from because we had definitely scoped out the scene. The hobbit found us. I repeat hobbit, we have been spotted. We were nice at first, but then it was like “Can I buy you a drink?”. We politely decline “No, no thank you!”. He just kept on, are you sure? Yes, dude. “We are all set thank you!” And he keeps going. I KID YOU NOT, it was like best friend savage telepathy. I just started speaking a different language… she followed. We just stood there going back and forth in this made up native language. It took the man a minute to realize that we had magically started speaking a different language. He got the gist and looked at us like we were actually insane and walked away. Best Friend Win.

Another time, same best friend and I are out at the bar. We are sitting in this cute spot in the back around this table with a fire in the center. Its a round table and we are occupying two of the five seats open. All of a sudden a guy and a group of his buddies decide to ask to join us. Of course, my friend and I love making new friends, sure. We introduce ourselves and start chatting a bit. Is there ever a point in which guys look at one another and just tell the other to pull back and that your trying to hard? I really just would love to know. He starts trying to compliment everything I do. My work, my face, my dog. That’s super nice, but like bro were just trying to chill. So cool. We continue to sit and chat for a bit till we all mutually decide to walk over to another one of the bars together. When we got there its like the scene changed. This man literally looked at me and said oh we should do shots… I said okay what are you buying shots of? He said oh no I figured you would just buy your own and I will buy my friends and I shots. He was like completely shocked when I said no… I didn’t even want to do shots. Then he got mad and like completely left the situation and took all his friends with him. LMFAO. okay Bye Felicia.

Stringing from that, I don’t know if its just a girls thing, but when someone brings up a round of shots, I automatically know I am paying for them. Like yo its my idea, I got it.

The Recap

Aside from both of these stories, going back to the first one. What do you even do in these situations.. what is your go to? I know when my friend and I go out we most def NEVER use our real names. I also know that we will most definitely have an escape plan for situations whether its a plan or we just magically go with it.


  1. My girls and I magically morph into a couple if guys will not take the polite hint. And one of us is usually the batshit crazy jealous one, if for some reason they still won’t take the hint. I seem really great at attracting the weirdest creepiest guys completely unsolicited as I have been married forever.

    Liked by 1 person

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