So, one of my favorite people on Instagram for quotes is Jack Raymond ( click on his name to be taken to his Instagram ). He posts such real life shit, that I can relate to almost daily. He posted a list of life lessons that people like should know, and I feel like I just wanted to comment on all of them. I will bold what the saying one and you will see my response underneath…
Here we go…
- If you have to ask “did you cum”, you’re doing it wrong.
BAHAHAHAH. Wow, if this is not the most accurate sentence I have ever read. Guys, just so you know, you WILL know when we finish. I mean come on, our eyes roll back and our toes curl…. we shake like no other? If this didn’t happen, THAT did not happen.
2. Keith Richards > all Kardashian’s combined.
The rolling stone, the legend. HELL YEAH, he is way over the Kardashian’s. There is not even a comparison here.
3. Literally no one gives a shit about your opinions.
I know you don’t give two fucks about what I am writing here either, but like I can. Its a dog eat dog world out there and people are here for themselves. Its how it is. You can share your opinions all you want, that doesn’t mean someone is actually listening to a word that you said, nor do they care.
4. We have more “soulmates” than we can imagine.
LMAO. Love. Soulmates. BYE. If I ever find someone who likes me that much, I will be surprised.
5. Never use the phrase “swolemates”.
I feel like I get uncomfortable when guys use this word. Like ya’ll cannot function together at the gym without one another? Do you, and not your friend.
6. Oral sex must always be reciprocated.
Its the polite thing to do, but a lot of guys will not. I guess thats kind of on you about how you feel about it. I personally just think its respectful.
7. Do not marry your high school sweetheart.
I always say ” There is more dick in the sea” . You guys have got to experience something else before that lifelong commitment.
8. Never Boil Ribs.
You should be arrested if you do this. That is just not okay.
9. Never fall in love with anyone named Brittany, from Miami, who has a tattoo on her inner thigh.
Coach Carr : ” Don’t have sex, because you will get pregnant and die! Don’t have sex in the missionary position, don’t have sex standing up, just don’t do it, OK, promise? OK, now everybody take some rubbers.”
10. Stop Caring what people you don’t care about think of you.
They are not worth anything in your life and the words that come out of their mouth are irrelevant. I feel like that is something that people have to learn the hard way or over time. Not everyone is going to like you, and a lot of people are going to disrespect you.
11. People who watch more reality television than they read books are more likely to give you venereal diseases.
You always have to watch the quiet ones, or I mean the psychos who turn out to be obsessive stalkers they always have secrets…
13. Pay Attention to Details
I always actively listen to someone who is really trying to tell me something because you never known when what they are telling you might actually be important or mean something. Its funny because I spoke to someone about this the other night and its okay to retain not everything, but if you aren’t retaining most let me know so I can stop.
14. Don’t wait to tell the people you love how important they are.
I learned this and have lived this. For real, if someone means something to you or they are close family let them know what they mean to you. I would give anything to see the person I lost one more time, or even hear their voice.
15. Stop faking orgasms.
Dude, this isn’t a porn seen and the dude your doing the deed with probably knows your faking it. The loud moans, and weird faces will probably freak him out if they’re not sincere… he will know. Just like girls are private investigators… guys are good with the small shit.
16. Ask Better Questions. Listen More. Speak Less
I love the quotes about how we listen to reply rather than to retain. This is true. As soon as someone is to start speaking we reach to find something to reply rather than really take in what they said.
17. Most of your guy friends have fapped it to you.
LMAO. Picturing a couple I know have done this in my head. Yet, we see most of you as brother figures…. so enjoy me talking about my sex life. Can you guys just like stay in the friend zone?
18. Stop raping each other, for fucks sake.
Dude its legit not hard to not do. If she say’s no, its a no.
19. Whiskey + Weed + Live Music
This sounds like a fun night, actually a really fun night.
20.Sending that unsolicited dick pic is probably a terrible idea.
THANK YOU TO THE HEAVENS. Plus the different positions you guys try is just ruthless. Please to god stop sending me one from below… shit’s so weird. Also if its seven in the morning, the last picture I want is of your morning wood. Any girl would rather actually be there….
21.A third of your life is wasted worrying that others think of you, another third is spent not caring what they think of you, and the last third is realizing so few were thinking of you at all.
If I could stress one thing about this it would be to let the people you care for know that you care. Things change and life happens, tomorrow could be that day. It amazes me when people start showing how much they cared on social media after someone passes, yet you saw nothing before.
22. Amy Schumer is not even slightly funny.
Only thing I disagree with on this entire post. Thank you, next.
23. Nobody wants to suck a pickled dick. Or eat fermented vagina. Wash that shit.
OMG. Like seriously, if you know something is about to happen, prepare as if you are meeting the pope. Like girls come on, and guys it takes you minutes… That’s just respectful…
24. More road trips. Fewer selfies.
Please enjoy your time for you on your trip and stop worrying about posting it on Snapchat. I feel like people miss out on so much trying to reach into their purse or pocket trying to grab their phone. Keep that to you. I am a private person, I mean I occasionally will post pictures of my trips and me, but sometimes thats my business and I like that privacy.
25. Reread numbers 12 & 13.
Did you catch it?